is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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