i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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