That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
