You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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