You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
