Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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