she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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