some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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