Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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