worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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