I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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