I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize