Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
