i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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