Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
