i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
