ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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