Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
