Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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