Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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