She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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