he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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