Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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