Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
