I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize