Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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