the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
