there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
