we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found a bag of teeth...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
