So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
