I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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