So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
