Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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