1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize