I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
