This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
