I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
