I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
