i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize