I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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