You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wakey wakey hands off snakey
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
