I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
