Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
