i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
