you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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