Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
