the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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