so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
