I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
