Only a mothe r could love this liver
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
