Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
