i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you didnt know i had herpes?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
