i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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