yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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