Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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