Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
