you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
