You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am one with the molecules
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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