Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
