not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
