i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
