i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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