You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
