atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
