Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
