Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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