and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
