I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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