Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
