I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize