i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize