There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
