he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
