don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
