After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
