is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
